Our Betrothal and Christmas (and accompanying ramblings on how wonderful everything is)

Betrothal photos courtesy of a good friend 🙂

This past Sunday, December 23rd, The Dash and I had our Rite of Betrothal after Low Mass. At last, at last, after a beautiful, challenging, blessed and amazing-beyond-my-dreams courtship of fifteen months, we are betrothed and will be getting married!!!

Along with not feeling too well (which the joy of the morning helped smooth over! 😉 ), I had lots of butterflies and was fervently hoping my hands wouldn’t get too clammy from nerves, because, you know, we would start holding hands that day, and all . . .

We had choir practice, which started in the rectory chapel and ended in the choir loft. (I missed a portion of practice because I was determined to get to Confession during Advent if it killed me, and things had been so hectic this month that I hadn’t been able to go since the 1st.) I  must say that The Dash always looks incredible, but he looked incredibly incredible that morning. After practice, he and I stayed behind in the choir loft for a moment so he could tie his tie, I could make sure his collar was flat, and the both of us could beam at each other from nervous joy–I’ll always love that memory!

Then there was Mass, which was a beautiful combination of recollection and of things speeding by under the anticipation of yours truly. After it ended, The Dash and I decided we should probably move up to the front left pew and wait for Father to come back from the sacristy, since we didn’t really know what we were doing, and so we said our after-Mass prayers there. Our two dear friends/mentor couple/witnesses joined us in the pew and prayed with us . . . and our families and nearly the entire community came up close by and remained for the Rite. It was so humbling and such an honor that so many of our friends stayed after Mass for our betrothal, with all their hungry little ones in tow. We were truly surrounded by the family who has witnessed and supported our whole courtship, and the blessing of their love was overwhelming to both of us!

Now, I have read through the Rite of Betrothal a thousand times over, but leading up to our betrothal, I didn’t go over it at all, mainly because I was unsure which version our parish priest had, and I wanted my experience of our betrothal to be humble and fresh, without me constantly anticipating every word because I’d memorized it out of liturgical OCD.

However, I do think it wound up being identical (or nearly identical!), so I’ll link to it here. (You can find it under “Individual Rite Booklets.” I really wish the site wasn’t so abrasive in tone, but I can’t find the Rite anywhere else available for viewing, so just bear with it 🙂 ) Going through the Rite with The Dash was more beautiful and profound than the million times I’d daydreamed about it leading up to then.

Father brought us to the Communion rail in front of Our Lady’s altar, which neither of us was expecting and was simply the most consummately perfect thing ever, to be betrothed right in front of Our Blessed Mother to whom we’ve consecrated everything. Oh, the goodness of God!

First, there was Psalm 126, then the Allocution (Father’s address to us on the importance of what we’ve discerned and what we’re about to do), then the exchange of promises that we repeated after Father (I made sure to meet The Dash’s eyes the entire time; he deserves nothing less!), after which Father crossed his stole over our hands and declared us betrothed. Then came the blessing of the engagement ring, and The Dash putting it on my hand in the name of the Blessed Trinity. Finally, Father read from the book of Tobit (joy!!!), gave us a final blessing, and then opened the Missal for us to kiss the image of Our Crucified Lord at the beginning of the Canon–first The Dash, then me.

And that was it. Surreal and beautiful, ordered and right, so full of peace. I have never been so happy! We took a few pictures with Father and our families, and then The Dash took my hand and we finally began to enjoy that expression of affection we’d been waiting so, so long to do! Bliss!!!!

We spent a nice, quiet, restful day together as we’d planned for a while to do . . . pretty much because we were exhausted from the week, the month, the whole incredible hike of our courtship, and had wanted for a very long time to sit, not say much, and rejoice in just being together and soaking in the fact that we were betrothed and it was all real, and that we really could hold hands 😉

And our Christmas was very blessed indeed. Christmas Eve, I had practically everything to do in terms of wrapping, card-making . . . it took most of the day! 😀 But we all came together for dinner, The Dash included, and then headed out for Christmas Eve High Mass . . . after nearly three years, this was the first Christmas at our parish where I actually had a singing voice, praise God! I got to sing every single carol, chant, and polyphonic piece with all my heart–so much joy! We got to church around 7 and arrived home around 11, after having stood out in the frigid air and chatted happily with all our friends, and with Lena, The Dash and I doing a gift exchange with some of our close friends. Our good friend had hand-crafted a beautiful customized wooden plaque with The Dash and I’s initials and our betrothal date, with room left for our wedding date . . . we were both so astonished at his talent and thoughtfulness! Right now, it’s hanging over my bed, right under The Song of the Angels 🙂

And then, at last, there was Christmas Day. We opened gifts and stockings, visited my grandmother in her new apartment . . . but oh, to be engaged and betrothed at Christmas is the most wonderful thing ever (well, of course, unless you’re married, but I’ll embrace what I’ve been given 😉 )! To be able to hold hands (especially for The Dash and I, with touch being one of our most predominate love languages) and have his arm around me sometimes is so precious and so worth waiting for. It’s hard to describe it. The deeper closeness that such (appropriate) signs of physical affection have brought us over the past few days sends me sky-high with elation (naturally!), makes me miss him even more when we’re not together . . .  but it also strongly reinforces to me how right it was for us not to have them during courtship when we were still discerning and not yet promised to one another, and needed to develop vital communication skills.

It goes without saying that to start using moderated signs of affection after a fifteen-month courtship is very new and very wonderful, and it absolutely takes increased vigilance and continued prayers for chastity and purity. It also takes renewed focus on the importance of communication . . . because it can be easy to grow slack in communicating because you assume you’re already connected, thanks to feeling so bonded through those signs of affection 😉

So please do pray for us in our engagement! We are so thankful for everyone’s prayers and know for certain we would not be where we are today, were it not for the generous and faithful intercession of others on our behalf! May God reward them and you!

Merry Christmas!!!

The Veil on the Shelf

So . . . I bought a chapel veil last weekend.

From the online pictures, it just seemed perfect. There were little roses embroidered on it. It was ivory, rounded, lacy and feminine. (It’s highly possible that the traditional Catholic girl’s most frequent impulse buy could be categorized as the chapel veil she saw today. But I digress.)

I tend to drag my feet before buying anything (born saver), so I consulted my almost eighteen-year-old younger sister, who was on the other side of our bedroom. “Do you like this? Would you like to share it? We could share it.” (Somehow the thought of sharing it made it seem less of an impulse buy to me.)

She liked it.

“We could even wear it for our betrothal veil!” (When, of course, we’re actually getting betrothed.) “And our wedding veil!” (Similar caveat.) “We could share it and make it some sort of heirloom one day!”

It’s highly possible that the traditional Catholic girl’s most frequent dreamy application of the chapel veil she saw today is her Betrothal Or Wedding Veil. Or maybe it just doesn’t take much for my sister and I to talk about weddings. (We were in the most intense discussion about Galileo and Democritean atomism last week and somehow wound up talking about weddings. But again, I digress.)

In spite of our hypothetical plans for the veil, however, we were still planning on wearing it pretty frequently to Mass while still single young ladies. After all . . . that’s what a chapel veil is for.

Anyway . . . to continue my rather wandering saga. The veil arrived yesterday. I bundled up in my dad’s zip-up sweater and tramped down our long driveway, through the trees, to the roadside mailbox. The wind was cold. Eventually I arrived back in our steamy warm kitchen, panting from having fended off our euphoric dogs and from introducing cold air into my allllmooost well lungs. Mom was worried that I might relapse into this stubborn cold virus that everyone’s caught–but I had to get the veil.

In the nearby living room, my sister was sitting by our pitiful youngest sister, who was suffering from a fever. But the former grinned and mouthed silently, “I want to see it!”

So without further ado, I pulled apart the impossible stretchy, clingy plastic package with the glue flap (do you know what I’m talking about? That kind!) and pulled out the veil . . . and . . .

 . . . it was a different veil.

It was pure white (no embroidered roses) and beautifully laced. Actually, it was so pure white and so beautifully laced that it pretty much looked entirely like something you would wear to a wedding.

I realized it was another veil I’d seen with my sister, but had decided against getting. Now, however, upon closer inspection . . . it was gorgeous.

When you buy something, and await something, and receive Something Else, it’s an interesting feeling. Like getting a different flavor of ice cream packed into your cone. You close your eyes, lick with a shudder of anticipation, and then your eyes fly open and you exclaim, “Oh! Strawberry.” But . . . you slowly realize you enjoy strawberry just as much. (Sorry. I digress again.)

Similarly, my sister and I examined this snowy white, very lacy chapel veil with something between impartial evaluation and growing reverence. “You could send it back,” Mom suggested.

“I know . . .” I agreed with Classic Reluctance.

I went and tried it on.

Then my sister tried it on.

We looked at one another and grinned. I tend to think that an unexpected event often hints at God’s will. Thusly, if I’d received a different (equally priced) veil than the one I’d ordered, well, then, it might mean I should keep it.

“Let’s just save this for both our betrothals and weddings,” one of us said after a moment. (I can’t remember who . . . my sister and I might as well share brains, we have so many of the same thoughts.)

We agreed. Yes, in a burst of heedless spontaneity, we decided to make this the veil we would both wear on our betrothal and wedding days. (This morning, our youngest sister asked pointedly: “Well, what if you have a double wedding?” I selflessly answered that, since I’m the oldest, I would wear it. But I love how younger siblings always contest and sharpen your logic.)

But this isn’t quite the end of the saga . . .

You see, each night my sister and I pray the Litany of St. Joseph for blessings on our future husbands (if we’re called to marriage, as we feel we are), and that Our Lord’s beloved foster father would protect them and bring us together in God’s time. It’s a precious tradition to both of us and has brought us closer to St. Joseph, as well as helped us to trust God more with our future.

And something about the arrival of this unexpected veil dropped a new idea in my mind . . .

. . . and ended up becoming a simple St. Joseph’s altar in our room.

(Sorry . . . a terrible flash picture edited to make it look a little less terrible. Not sure it worked. Oh, well.)

Granted, it’s only fabric yellow flowers, a candle, our veil (safely in its bag), and a holy card of St. Joseph . . . but it means something to us. (I have a larger image of St. Joseph that I want to print out and frame, so you might get a glimpse at our updated altar at some point in the future.) But however it looks at the moment, from now on, we’ll pray our nightly litany kneeling in front of it (and hopefully we’ll light the candle if we can actually remember to bring up a lighter . . .). Our future betrothal/wedding veil sits on the altar as a sign of our personally consecrating to St. Joseph our current virginity and our future (hopefully!) Catholic wifehood.

It’s definitely simple, and it probably will seem girlish and a little too spontaneous . . . but hopefully it had something to do with the Holy Ghost. This way, when those completely special and grace-filled days for my sister and I finally arrive (in which we will NOT be talking about Democritean atomism), we won’t have the smallest chance of forgetting the saint who protected us and brought us (and our husbands!) to that moment.

St. Joseph, safeguard of virgins, ora pro nobis!

P.S. If you’re a single Catholic lady, or a mother/sister/relative/friend of one, please feel free to imitate or to share with others, if you’d like to. No copyrights are attached 🙂

UPDATED: Within five minutes of having read this post, my dad gave my sister and I his old statue of St. Joseph for our altar! With a few minor adjustments, it now looks like this: